unrecognizable,
the stairs were twisted,
rising, into the dark
…another disease to add to the list
only this one was of a social nature
but still had metastasized,
i cut it from my side…
like the flower i gave you,
it was your birthday…
i rode my bike to your work
and stole a tulip from the park on the way,
it bled as i raced to you…
…with booze on my breath i asked for your hand,
we both knew better,
it is us lonely ones who give ourselves away
so easily…
i still dream about this time
the smell of your clothes,
the love you gave so willingly…
the days we drank and played cards
sitting on the ground,
smoking cigarettes
because we knew we’d never die…
-
a promise i made,
but didn't keep
...she looked at me
discomforted by my words...
we're passed this point; you and I...
remember when I took your hand,
and lead you,
while blindfolded
to the edge;
this is when I left you...
...stop looking at me like that,
are you uncomfortable
with the sight of our skin touching...
don't hide beneath the sheets,
come, look out the window
a southern breeze approaches
warm and sick with sea salt
lick your lips and you can taste it
please walk with me down by the bridge...
…but be quite now,
it's my lie to tell,
so it's mine to keep...
…just close your eyes,
we'll pretend i still have your trust,
come; take my hand...
we'll go to the edge
together this time,
i won't let go...
just breath
yes;
i know it's scary
but be quite,
i'de like to save this moment...
-
this is not real,
familiar as it feels…
…this is not the same,
i know we recognize each other
but we are strangers…
i too, have come here for years
only experienced it separately…
…i see the sadness you feel,
it’s similar to my own…
…don’t be ashamed,
it’s okay,
we can struggle with our humanity together…
…you seem to know this place
better than me,
only i’m not disciplined like you…
…i remember you describing the pain as unforgivable…
…sometimes our identities are conflicted
often preoccupied by generations of guilt…
discouraged, deflated,
you isolate,
patiently waiting
to be understood…
-
unable to sit in stillness
the distractions were piercing
forcibly unescapable
dispirited by the tenderness shown to others
and not me
but gratefully to be loved in winter
with the loneliness of endless rains
and emptiness of deep oceans
my inadequacies
need not be forgiven
they are part of me
-
the last time
it was a bit different
we were strangers
and had less to lose
i remember the moment
everything changed
things were better then
we were younger,
and always readying
our relentless restlessness
for the moment our brilliance
would be discovered